Unveiling the Power of Body Language
I was an incredibly shy little girl. I am the youngest of
all the cousins in our family so it’s not that I wasn’t used to being around a
lot of people. It’s just the way I was around people who were not my family or
friends. My mother on the other hand has always been very outgoing and loves to
be the center of attention, so she has never understood this about me. I
remember as a young girl her pushing me to talk to people and how it embarrassed
me so much. My face would turn bright red like a tomato. I would bury my face behind
my hair, wishing I would disappear. I think because of this embarrassment at such
a young age I became very self-aware. As a little girl I didn't necessarily
know what that meant or how to utilize that as a skill, but later as an adult I
would be able to use it as a tool to read others body language.
A few weeks ago, we talked about personal brand. Part of my
personal brand is my ability to ready the read the room. And while I wish I could
have pulled off a disappearing act many times as child, I really have to thank
my mom now. I don’t think I would have the same attention to detail as I do
now. I notice when people are uncomfortable in a conversation, so I change the
subject for that person. I notice when someone is being left out in a group, so
I make sure they get included. I noticed if someone is embarrassed so I try to
either embarrass myself or make light of the situation. I notice if someone
cuts off someone in a conversation and let that person finish what they were
saying. I notice if someone is ready to leave, but they feel bad about it. I genuinely
hate people feeling bad about things and want people to being comfortable, so I
try to beat them to the punch.
We watched a TED Talk this week featuring speaker Amy Cuddy.
She talked about the importance of the power pose. The power pose is a standing
or sitting position where you make yourself “big” by expanding your arms, shoulders
and legs. The idea is to sit or stand tall fill your space to feel powerful
instead of making yourself small. According to Cuddy, her study shows that by
doing the power pose for two minutes your testosterone will increase, and your
cortisone levels will decrease. She suggests doing this before interviews, social
gatherings, or anything you are nervous about.
I had heard of the power pose before watching the video and
have actually had my husband try the exercise before interviews. My husband is the
opposite of me when it comes to natural conversation. He is a natural extrovert.
I consider myself an extroverted introvert. Meaning, I love to be alone and
have some space to myself. But I am very good at turning on my social and observational
skills when I have to. I think this is why I am such a good reader of body language.
Because I am not naturally inclined to want to lead the conversation, I
am observing the body language of everyone around me and responding
accordingly. I believe I’ve always been this way, but the ability to control it
and use it as a strength has gotten stronger over the past few years. Even in just
the past few weeks as I’ve picked up a lot more information from my communications
class, I’ve been able apply some things from my readings to what I do in real
life. For example, Amy Cuddy showed two people speaking with one another. One person
stood tall with their hands on their hips looking powerful, and the other
person hunched forward with their hands in their clasped together looking small
and powerless. I paid close attention to my body language when one of our vice
presidents made conversation with me. She is a very dominant person by nature
and one of the few people I get nervous around now. But I made it a point to
keep my hands by side or one side on my hip instead of folding my arms in
front. I was still slightly nervous, but I think with practice it will get
easier to talk to her.
As I was mentioning earlier my husband is an extrovert but does
not have the same social observation skills as I do. He does not pick up on the
body language naturally. He can talk to anyone and everyone, but unfortunately,
he has no idea when you are trying to back out of a conversation. I’ve often
wondered if this has bothered anyone at work. Luckily, he’s such a nice happy
go lucky person that I think they let it slide. When I am with him in social settings,
I am able to break him free and get us home and he is mentions that he is aware
of what he is doing, he just doesn’t know how to stop. I often wonder how many
other people are out there like this. Cuddy mentions faking it until you become
it, but even as smart as my husband is, he literally cannot even fake cutting
off a conversation. It’s almost as it he is paralyzed watching himself from the
outside babbling away and he just cannot shut up. Are our brains hard wired to
be this way or can we teach ourselves to be different in social settings? According
to Cuddy by doing the power pose we can teach ourselves to have more confidence,
so maybe it’s possible after all.
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