Unveiling the Power of Body Language

I was an incredibly shy little girl. I am the youngest of all the cousins in our family so it’s not that I wasn’t used to being around a lot of people. It’s just the way I was around people who were not my family or friends. My mother on the other hand has always been very outgoing and loves to be the center of attention, so she has never understood this about me. I remember as a young girl her pushing me to talk to people and how it embarrassed me so much. My face would turn bright red like a tomato. I would bury my face behind my hair, wishing I would disappear. I think because of this embarrassment at such a young age I became very self-aware. As a little girl I didn't necessarily know what that meant or how to utilize that as a skill, but later as an adult I would be able to use it as a tool to read others body language.

A few weeks ago, we talked about personal brand. Part of my personal brand is my ability to ready the read the room. And while I wish I could have pulled off a disappearing act many times as child, I really have to thank my mom now. I don’t think I would have the same attention to detail as I do now. I notice when people are uncomfortable in a conversation, so I change the subject for that person. I notice when someone is being left out in a group, so I make sure they get included. I noticed if someone is embarrassed so I try to either embarrass myself or make light of the situation. I notice if someone cuts off someone in a conversation and let that person finish what they were saying. I notice if someone is ready to leave, but they feel bad about it. I genuinely hate people feeling bad about things and want people to being comfortable, so I try to beat them to the punch.

We watched a TED Talk this week featuring speaker Amy Cuddy. She talked about the importance of the power pose. The power pose is a standing or sitting position where you make yourself “big” by expanding your arms, shoulders and legs. The idea is to sit or stand tall fill your space to feel powerful instead of making yourself small. According to Cuddy, her study shows that by doing the power pose for two minutes your testosterone will increase, and your cortisone levels will decrease. She suggests doing this before interviews, social gatherings, or anything you are nervous about.

I had heard of the power pose before watching the video and have actually had my husband try the exercise before interviews. My husband is the opposite of me when it comes to natural conversation. He is a natural extrovert. I consider myself an extroverted introvert. Meaning, I love to be alone and have some space to myself. But I am very good at turning on my social and observational skills when I have to. I think this is why I am such a good reader of body language. Because I am not naturally inclined to want to lead the conversation, I am observing the body language of everyone around me and responding accordingly. I believe I’ve always been this way, but the ability to control it and use it as a strength has gotten stronger over the past few years. Even in just the past few weeks as I’ve picked up a lot more information from my communications class, I’ve been able apply some things from my readings to what I do in real life. For example, Amy Cuddy showed two people speaking with one another. One person stood tall with their hands on their hips looking powerful, and the other person hunched forward with their hands in their clasped together looking small and powerless. I paid close attention to my body language when one of our vice presidents made conversation with me. She is a very dominant person by nature and one of the few people I get nervous around now. But I made it a point to keep my hands by side or one side on my hip instead of folding my arms in front. I was still slightly nervous, but I think with practice it will get easier to talk to her.

As I was mentioning earlier my husband is an extrovert but does not have the same social observation skills as I do. He does not pick up on the body language naturally. He can talk to anyone and everyone, but unfortunately, he has no idea when you are trying to back out of a conversation. I’ve often wondered if this has bothered anyone at work. Luckily, he’s such a nice happy go lucky person that I think they let it slide. When I am with him in social settings, I am able to break him free and get us home and he is mentions that he is aware of what he is doing, he just doesn’t know how to stop. I often wonder how many other people are out there like this. Cuddy mentions faking it until you become it, but even as smart as my husband is, he literally cannot even fake cutting off a conversation. It’s almost as it he is paralyzed watching himself from the outside babbling away and he just cannot shut up. Are our brains hard wired to be this way or can we teach ourselves to be different in social settings? According to Cuddy by doing the power pose we can teach ourselves to have more confidence, so maybe it’s possible after all.


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