Leadership in the Face of Challenges

My grandmother passed away about three years ago and naturally, I missed a few days of work. When I got home my coworker and good friend sent me a text asking me to call him. He asked if I had a few minutes to walk and if I was at home. I knew by his tone that he was preparing me for bad news. My grandmother had just passed away so how bad could the news be? It was bad. Very bad. Evidentially while I was on bereavement leave, someone at the high school where my office is located decided to make a complaint about me. She was actually just venting, but she was venting to the wrong person.

It was terrible timing as she passed away the first week of school, but what was I supposed to do. Ask her to wait a few more weeks? Sorry Grandma. It turns out that while I was gone a parent called and asked this person who shall not be named a question she could not handle on her own. Since I was not there to help answer this question, in the heat of the moment, she complained to a director about my absence. It is still baffling to me as I type this that the reason for my absence was not taken into consideration.

This director went to my boss who had no choice but to report it to our college’s President. When I returned from leave, I was asked to report to the conference room. I was not given an official write-up, but my boss did have to meet with me and have two witnesses. According to this director, I had ruined the relationship between the college and the high school. I was completely blindsided. I take pride in my work; I feel that I am respected amongst my coworkers and have a great working relationship with my clients. I also have never shed a tear about work until that moment. I was mortified. I left that room with my tail between my legs. But I also wondered how on earth could my boss, my leader do this to me?

I had always considered him to be an authentic leader. He is not one to follow a script or come across as a salesperson. He is as real as can be. Anytime our team would meet of course he would come prepared with topics of discussion, but he would never read anything word for word. He would speak from the heart and encourage open dialogue. When I was called to the conference room, the first thing I was told was that there would be no opportunity for discussion that this was just a meeting for me to hear what was told by the client, and that I would have the opportunity to improve from there. That was it. It was their word against mine. It was as if the thousands of good things I had done in the past three years meant nothing, and that one “bad” thing meant everything.

Fast forward to now. What I could not see was the pressure my boss was getting from his own boss. Of course, through my tears, I could not see the pain in his eyes when he had to talk to me about something he knew was not right. Does that make the entire situation ok? No, but for all I know he could have been told to write a disciplinary action for me instead of a course of action plan. It was a rough time for me in my career and I believe it was difficult for my boss, too. And even though at the time I wanted to walk away, I would still describe my boss as a servant leader.

A servant leader prioritizes their team, puts others before themselves, emphasizes empathy, and fosters a collaborative and positive work environment. After reading about what happened you might think I am crazy, but I will explain. Four-star general Stanley McChrystal talked about a dawn attack where his team got wiped out immediately. He believed his commander was let down by his actions, but to his surprise, he thought he did a good job. While I don’t think my boss was necessarily proud of me for missing work, I now know he thinks the person at the high school was completely out of line for making a complaint about me and had my best interest in mind the whole time. He was also watching me pick myself up and thought it showed my true character to keep my head high instead of being petty. Just a few months later he gave me the best review I had ever received. The person who complained ended up retiring and he apologized for the whole thing happening.  

Although this was no doubt the most difficult thing I have experienced in my career, I think because it was so personal and I still feel as if I did nothing wrong, I believe I learned a lot about what makes a good leader. If I had been the leader in this situation and this happened to my employee, I honestly think I would have handled it differently. First, my stomach is still in knots when I think about the fact that nobody in a leadership position asked me what happened. Or asked me if the situation could have been handled better. Better yet, nobody except for my coworker asked if I was okay. I might be a little dramatic when I say I have some PTSD from the situation, but it was just so shocking how it was handled. People I have worked with for years, who have thrown baby showers, and invited me to weddings, are now throwing me under the bus. But only one person showed remorse and empathized with me and that was my boss, my leader. Maybe it was tough love? Maybe he just didn't know how to handle it? Either way, I am deciding to move on. I’ve also commend him and acknowledge that he too is growing and changing as a leader, and I have major respect for him.